//VALENTINE'S.
//February 14th, 2024. 11.10 AM
Listening to: Half Life, Djo
It's been a bit.
Hi. It's me. Uh, I don't think many people actually really give a shit about this place, but I'm trying to get back to a semblance of normalcy, if that makes sense. Part of that means coming back to this website, actually working on it again. Cause I'm pretty proud of it... and whatever.
It's Valentine's Day today. I'm not in a relationship, so I don't really have a Valentine. I'm okay with that. I'm working on trying to be happier for myself rather than another person. It's very difficult. But recently, I've cut down on my hours for my job. I'm still a student, I don't need to be working full time hours, right? Right.
I dunno. I'm still tired all the time. It's been a little less bad than usual. It fluctuates. That's what I hate so much about it. When I feel like shit, it's like I feel like I've never been happy in my entire life. Same goes for feeling happy; in the moment it feels like I've never been depressed. It's a nasty trick.
Sorry, I'm just rambling now. Thanks for reading, if you're out there. Enjoy your Valentine's Day.
//SORRY.
//January 11th, 2024. 10.19 AM
Listening to: Impeach God, Dethklok
Hey.
Sorry for not keeping up with this place. The new year has not been treating me well. I have been majorly depressed, and it all kind of came to a point a couple of days ago. I was really struggling with, uh... harmful thoughts. I still am.
I will get back to editing shit on here, but for now I'm just trying to... figure out how to deal with this shit. And I'm trying to not do it alone.
Thanks. Happy Thursday.
//NEW ME.
//January 1st, 2024. 10.43 PM
Listening to: Witches' Dance, Mercyful Fate
We have circled around the sun once more. Exciting.
I'm not sure what I want to talk about right now. I had a really long day. I just feel like I should talk about something, I dunno.
I don't think I really have any resolutions this year. I know I want to start exercising, building muscle... Maybe I'll start dating. I don't think I'm likable enough for that, though... hm...
Most of all, I'm just hoping this year goes better than the last. God, I can't say I don't want to kill myself at my stupid fucking job. Gag me with a fucking fork. We'll see what happens.
Whatever. Happy New Year. I'm gonna get ready for bed. I have to be up at 6 tomorrow... ugh.
//FUCKING STUPID.
//December 27th, 2023. 3.45 PM
Listening to: halëlhër, Trhä
My first journal entry. Yayyy.
Last night I tried making plans with a boy. When you're me, you know that making plans to hang out with anyone is always a terrible fucking idea because for some godforsaken reason, everyone always ends up bailing on me. Most of the time something genuinely comes up, but... I dunno why it happens. I'm a nice person. People like me. And these people want to hang out with me... I think. I just have the shittiest fucking luck.
So, lo and behold, after cleaning my fucking room and getting ready for no goddamn reason, turns out his sister went into labor... 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up... and he forgot to tell me. Because of course he did.
I really like this guy. Don't ask me what my feelings on him are cause I really don't know, but I know I like him. He's nice to me and he listens to me and sure, maybe he's a bit pretty even! But I just like him. And I really wanted to see him today... ugh. Everything's ruined.
I need to make better friends. Where do you even find other teenagers who like metal? I don't have time to go to local shows... what with college and work... not to mention, I'm sure most of them are in bars, and I'm not 21 yet. Siiigh. I hate my life.
