//THE AFTERMATH.
//November 6th, 2024. 6.45 PM
Listening to: Nothing
It's the day after election day, and I fear for my life.
I wish that I could say I was a privileged cishet individual who wouldn't under any circumstances be targeted by Donald Trump's and J.D. Vance's stupid fucking plan over the next four years, but unfortunately I can't. I am exactly the type of person Trump wants to eradicate, and I am very scared.
I turned 18 on the 3rd. Got tattooed, which I would show if this wasn't such a somber update. Hung out with my friend on the 4th, was a wonderful day until the end of it when my dad confessed he was a registered voter and wanted to vote with us - for Trump, of fucking course. My family was not happy about this. We had been trying to have a somewhat normal life recently, but he ruined it, as usual.
Voted on the 5th. Watched as Kamala slowly started losing. We were promised it was just the Red Mirage. It was not. I firmly believe something is wrong, something is not right and I can only hope things get looked into over the next week. But if not, I need to prepare for what may happen with Trump's term. My mom has already started looking into passports for us.
I have so much to do here. I was looking forward to 2025. I'm going to college right now, what am I supposed to do? I have family here. I'm scared. I know I keep saying that, but I am, I really am. This was the most substantial election of our lives in recent years, and my generation fucked it up. I don't know what to do anymore.
I've spent all day just trying to ignore the sinking feeling of dread in my stomach. I've almost finished a silly British sitcom from the late 80s, that's all I've done today. Watched fucking TV. Fuck all of you who voted for Trump. Fuck all of you who voted third party. Fuck you all.
Goodbye.
//ALL HALLOW'S EVE.
//November 1st, 2024. 12.34 PM
Listening to: The Viral Spread of Gimmick Horror Games
Boo!
Did I scare you? No? Good. Keep your hackles raised, reader. You never know when evil may strike...
This is a nothing burger of an update, I will be honest. I just wanted to profess my love of Halloween. Happy Halloween! Well, it's November now, but. Fuck you, man. I had a busy night tonight (last night?), I woke up, I ate, I wrote one of my papers, I got dressed up, I ate again, I handed out candy, I watched Queen of the Damned while finishing a piece of art, and now I am here.
My (adult) brother invited a lot of friends over to trick or treat with him tonight. I will not be commenting on this other than the fact that my family now has 4 large pizzas left over in the fridge. None of which I can eat, of course, due to God cursing me with the inability to eat gluten. Damn you, God. I shake my fist at thee.
Anyways. Today is the birthday of a friend! In two days, it will be my birthday. Crazy. I will probably update again then. Yay, Vresel lives on forever!
Okay. My head hurts. Goodnight!
//TIME IN A BOTTLE.
//October 15th, 2024. 11.29 PM
Listening to: the sound of the highway by my house
Hello again.
It's been a long time. I have to apologize for this. My life has been a whirlwind of nothing as of late.
Well, this isn't necessarily true. Lots has changed in the past... 8 months, wow. I went to California in March, I'm pretty sure. Came back home, worked a bit. I quit my job in June, shortly before I took a road trip from Las Vegas, to Portland, to Washington. The Pacific Northwest was a really beautiful place. I wish I could have enjoyed it more, but I was in a very poor mental state (and I don't particularly enjoy road trips to begin with).
Went to a local horror convention in July, met Matthew Lillard. He signed my battle vest. Very cool day. Been working on my college education again after taking a break for a bit because I couldn't handle the stress of my job as well as school. But I started it back up again after the convention, and things have been going alright. Just don't feel like I have much time for fun these days.
My life revolves around art and college as of right now. I spend a lot of time listening to music in my room, writing essays, and drawing my characters. They've been fleshed out a lot more than they were when I last updated this website. I hope I can share them with you guys sometime (whoever 'you guys' are).
My 18th birthday is in a couple weeks. November 3rd. I invited a friend over. I hope it goes well.
As a whole, I'm just trying to be a more positive person. I was really sad and angry when I initially made this website, and while I'd like to keep up the edgelord illusion, I'm not even sure I have the energy. We'll see. I still like metal, though I don't listen to it as much these days - particularly DSBM, which is funny, because this whole website revolved around Black Metal and DSBM. I listen to what I like, I dunno.
It's late. I'm tired. I'll shut up now. Bye.
//VALENTINE'S.
//February 14th, 2024. 11.10 AM
Listening to: Half Life, Djo
It's been a bit.
Hi. It's me. Uh, I don't think many people actually really give a shit about this place, but I'm trying to get back to a semblance of normalcy, if that makes sense. Part of that means coming back to this website, actually working on it again. Cause I'm pretty proud of it... and whatever.
It's Valentine's Day today. I'm not in a relationship, so I don't really have a Valentine. I'm okay with that. I'm working on trying to be happier for myself rather than another person. It's very difficult. But recently, I've cut down on my hours for my job. I'm still a student, I don't need to be working full time hours, right? Right.
I dunno. I'm still tired all the time. It's been a little less bad than usual. It fluctuates. That's what I hate so much about it. When I feel like shit, it's like I feel like I've never been happy in my entire life. Same goes for feeling happy; in the moment it feels like I've never been depressed. It's a nasty trick.
Sorry, I'm just rambling now. Thanks for reading, if you're out there. Enjoy your Valentine's Day.
//SORRY.
//January 11th, 2024. 10.19 AM
Listening to: Impeach God, Dethklok
Hey.
Sorry for not keeping up with this place. The new year has not been treating me well. I have been majorly depressed, and it all kind of came to a point a couple of days ago. I was really struggling with, uh... harmful thoughts. I still am.
I will get back to editing shit on here, but for now I'm just trying to... figure out how to deal with this shit. And I'm trying to not do it alone.
Thanks. Happy Thursday.
//NEW ME.
//January 1st, 2024. 10.43 PM
Listening to: Witches' Dance, Mercyful Fate
We have circled around the sun once more. Exciting.
I'm not sure what I want to talk about right now. I had a really long day. I just feel like I should talk about something, I dunno.
I don't think I really have any resolutions this year. I know I want to start exercising, building muscle... Maybe I'll start dating. I don't think I'm likable enough for that, though... hm...
Most of all, I'm just hoping this year goes better than the last. God, I can't say I don't want to kill myself at my stupid fucking job. Gag me with a fucking fork. We'll see what happens.
Whatever. Happy New Year. I'm gonna get ready for bed. I have to be up at 6 tomorrow... ugh.
//FUCKING STUPID.
//December 27th, 2023. 3.45 PM
Listening to: halëlhër, Trhä
My first journal entry. Yayyy.
Last night I tried making plans with a boy. When you're me, you know that making plans to hang out with anyone is always a terrible fucking idea because for some godforsaken reason, everyone always ends up bailing on me. Most of the time something genuinely comes up, but... I dunno why it happens. I'm a nice person. People like me. And these people want to hang out with me... I think. I just have the shittiest fucking luck.
So, lo and behold, after cleaning my fucking room and getting ready for no goddamn reason, turns out his sister went into labor... 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up... and he forgot to tell me. Because of course he did.
I really like this guy. Don't ask me what my feelings on him are cause I really don't know, but I know I like him. He's nice to me and he listens to me and sure, maybe he's a bit pretty even! But I just like him. And I really wanted to see him today... ugh. Everything's ruined.
I need to make better friends. Where do you even find other teenagers who like metal? I don't have time to go to local shows... what with college and work... not to mention, I'm sure most of them are in bars, and I'm not 21 yet. Siiigh. I hate my life.
